Hi, my name is Loryn-Ashlee Jackson. I'm the lead-singer and founder of Throns of Grace. I know I'm quite young, but it's at young ages do we learn, adapt, change, and continue. So just hear me out.
Growing up, I always lived in the ghetto. There was always violence, noise, drugs, sex, prostetution, you name it.
Growing up with my 4 brothers was hard. I didn't have a positive female role model. We were alll homeschooled and my mother always beilieved in "what happens in this family stays in this family". No cries for help. My mother was always broke, it seemed. We were stuck on welfare. She always complained about how horrible her son's would be and how wicked her daughters were. And she was the kind of person who would put her own dreams and men before her children, beat you with the name of Jesus, and everyone was out to get her and were from the devil. So we adapted to the outer enviornment. We rebelled.
My sister was thrown away when she was 14yrs of age. My oldest brother became a satanists, after being thrown away, and has not yet converted. He has life in prison for murder.
Three of brothers started their own mafia which caught alot of peoples attention. My two brothers, who had the same father, were sent to a public school for Junior and Senior year.So you could kind of guess where that went. School counselers wondered and worried about their wounds and scars. But no cries for help allowed.
My second oldest brother did years in prison for a crime that he didn't commit. He was converted in prison and lived by Christ ever since.
My third oldest brother contiued to gangbang. He sold drugs, as well as I. But in later years became a believer and worked for a peace Corps as well as my fourth brother. He was always timid because of my mothers "treatment". He grew stronger as he got older. They both gave their lives to Christ.
As for me, I believed on and off. I had been molested through my childhood and pre-teen years. And once developed, I started getting raped. My mother didnt care. So I became a homosexual. I told her, she shrugged her shoulder's. Who could help? Who even cared? So when my mother would became violent (often) I'd revert to smoking. A-walling, or taking sleeping pills. I had gotten to the point where I started doing Meth. I wasn't happy where I was at, but 100 degrees is better than hell, right?
But I figured "man drugs arent gonna help me none... bump this " so I shot straight to suicide (and sleeping pill). Knives, glass, O.D, drowning, cords, wires....I've tried it all. Til one day, after church, a lady found me standing on the 215 freeway. I wanted to die because a friend said something in a joking manner and I took it seriously. But it was that straw that broke the camels back.
I having to see counseling for 6 months, 5 days a week.
We had gotten into contct with my sister after 14yrs of seperation and NO contact. By this time my second oldest bro was still in prison.
One day my mom yells at me and I go A-wall. My sister tells my mom she's keeping me. BOOM! Beginning of a new life. I stopped the cutting, eventually. She stood by our side. My fourth brother moved in.
We somehow made and impact on my sister because she had no faith. She eventually started going to church, praying, and even used Christ doctrine for her everyday life.
I had gotten baptized and tried to live as Christ. And as He says in Romans3:23 "all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God" & "For God loved the world that He gave his only begotten son that whosoever believs in Him will not be condemed but have eternal life" John 3:16, I realized that God doesn't call us to be perfect. He doesnt call us tto do the immpossible. He is a just God. We are human! This means that we are fully capable of failing. And are capable of obeying Him. We are also faithfull....at falling. We can't stand up on our own to save the dude down the street or youre cousin Larry. But that's where Christ comes in. To bee our rock. Our ladder. HE WANTS to be our krutch. HA! Idk about you, but don't know 1 person who does and will stay. He loves you, that's why He led you to this website to read this. I pray that You (everyone who reads this) will come to know our Saviour as our Father and friend. God has been the only ears and most powerful ears and eys of my life because no one could understand me more than one who made me and wtched me every second of my life. And to know your so loved that youre watched that much by the greatest power was amazing.
God Bless
Loryn-Ashlee
